As you know, to have perfect love we must begin with trust and faith in the thing or person we are loving or being loved by.
Often when we are caught by addictions we have lost trust and faith in so many things or people that we rely on our addiction to show us the unconditional love we so desire.
What in our lives does not judge us, does not expect anything of us and is always there like a donut to love us and give us that wonderful, warm feeling of being loved. For the food addicted, the humble donut may just be the only entrance to unconditional love in their life. Often a food addiction comes at a time when we feel that we cannot trust or have faith in others and even more so, ourselves.
“Not all addictions are rooted in abuse or trauma, but I do believe they can all be traced to painful experience. A hurt is at the centre of all addictive behaviours. It is present in the gambler, the Internet addict, the compulsive shopper and the workaholic. The wound may not be as deep and the ache not as excruciating, and it may even be entirely hidden—but it’s there. As we’ll see, the effects of early stress or adverse experiences directly shape both the psychology and the neurobiology of addiction in the brain.” ― Gabor Matť
You will see the same pattern emerging with alcohol or drugs or cigarettes. These things do not judge us. We can lock ourselves up in what we think is our safe, little cocoon of our addiction and feel that we are being loved - but in actuality the opposite is unfolding.
Our addictions are self-compounding because they start to give us the feeling that the addiction is the ONLY thing we can trust. Therefore the only thing we can love.
The more addicted, the more insulated we become from the authentic universal flow of love that is always loving us. As the addiction grows we feel we can't trust anyone, we can't trust the universe, we can't trust fate, we can't trust ourselves.
And so the only thing we can love is the addiction. We lose all faith in the universe and ourselves. We give all of our power, all of our trust to our addiction.
Sometimes it is not until we hit rock bottom that we realise that this limited expression of love is actually killing us.
We, as a being that must be in the full flow of love to be happy, feel stifled and isolated and depressed when faced with this limited view of ourselves.
A hurt is at the center of all addictive behaviors. . . . The wound may not be as deep and the ache not as excruciating, and it may even be entirely hidden—but it’s there. As we’ll see, the effects of early stress or adverse experiences directly shape both the psychology and the neurobiology of addiction in the brain - Gabor Mate
We realise that we are supposed to be so much more loving, but our addiction has us all tied up to one (or two or three) hollow habits that imprison us with the feeling that the only way we can feel love is through the addiction.
The answer is as simple as it is difficult.
Thank your addiction and then move on. Thank it for being there, for loving you when you had nothing else you could trust. Thank it for loving you no matter what.
And then gently explain to yourself that it is time for you to love more and be loved more. That everyone will be happy, including your addiction when you open yourself to receive more love and offer more love without expectation or condition.
Start slowly. Go out into nature and feel the love that is all around you.
It might be a sunset or a forest but just take the time to really immerse yourself in your meditations there. Realise that nature loves you and just by breathing you can breathe in that love.
Believe it or not this is not going to be easy. It is as simple as it is difficult and you will need to practice over and over again almost always without any feeling of making any progress.
Then open some more. Realise that your friends and family are loving you. Begin to see that fate is loving you that nothing happens by accident and everything that happens is a blessing.
Offer gratitude to open your heart more and more. Realise that even your enemies, even though they don’t know it are loving you.
Go and do some volunteer work. Offer your love without condition by helping others or our little planet. Clean up our beaches or save a whale or work in a soup kitchen or help someone homeless.
I know this sounds flippant. But this is the part of your recovery that will be the most powerful. To love more, we need to trust more and have more faith.
That only comes from practice - it cannot come from sitting alone with your addiction. And every time you try will not be a success by your reckoning, but every time you try will be the biggest celebration for your soul.
You will see that there is only one lasting cure to every addiction and that is the flow of love. The more you recognise that the universe is a friendly place that you can trust and have faith, the more you will rejoice in your wonderful life.
Trust yourself. Have faith in yourself. You are a magnificent and powerful being that is full of love. You will not be happy until you immerse yourself completely in that flow of love – there is no simpler way.
Affirmations and mantras are a great way to interrupt the addiction cycle.
Please repeat with me when you are ready.
"I love my addiction and all that it has tried to offer me but now it is time to move on."
"I unconditionally love all my friends and family."
"I trust the universe, I trust fate, I trust myself. I am so grateful that I am being infinitely loved."
"Every atom in the universe is loving me and guiding me. I am not afraid, I trust myself and the universe completely."
"I trust myself, I have faith that no matter what arises I can be in the flow of love. I love myself unconditionally."